Neuro typical Wife and a Spouse with Aspergers.. This Sucks.

It was suggested to me  some months ago (by a blogger I have a HUGE amount of respect for) that I blog about living with a spouse who has Aspergers.. a disorder on the Autism spectrum.  I hemmed &  hawed and put it off for so many reasons… I have so much to say.. but.. is a blog the right place to say it.?.   My kids are my number one concern but damn.. if I am not sane, happy and well put together I am going to be no good to them, and.. lol.. Well FB was just not quite right..  I have a complicated life, kids, hobbies, pets, ISSUES of my own… I have just had to come right back full circle to the original suggestion.. Blog about how I cope.. well, I cope by Living my life.. good and bad, raising my kids, Spinning wool.. I LOVE spinning wool/yarn and my spinning wheel it is one of the zen-est thing I have/about me, crocheting, spending time with my horse, dogs and sheep, and, well.. LIVING MY LIFE..

The last few months .. last few years really… I have just not felt like I am coping well at all. Is it because my dh is on a downward spiral, could it be the last difficult pregnancy and subsequent horrific MS attack.. The death of my first and favorite horse 2 and 1/2 years ago, he was 37 years old and my soul mate and best friend.. seems like he took the patience he taught and fostered in me and the best of me with him when he passed.. does it have anything to do with my oldest kid being bi-polar and doing some HORRIBLE things just to hurt me…  It is everything, it is all of it..  I am not sure.

In blogging I hope to..Get some shit off my chest and feel less angry at my dh for things he does as a result of Aspergers. To get back some of the Zen feeling I worked so damn hard to learn and to live, To be a better parent again.. To Ride my Mare.. OMG I want to Ride again.. I miss riding.. I just dare not get up on my horse as she is my mirror, a deep spring fed well and flowing river of my subconscious and unconscious and knowing that I am only skimming my own feeling and she wades in them and will throw them right back at me with 1300 pounds of ” Deal with it and Get the hell over it.” I just dare not till I have some things in my head and heart dealt with.. And I HOPE to find and help other women living with AS men.. It is HARD and Lonely..

So just to kick-start this off for tonight…just a little mish mash of information about Adults with Aspergers from a few places on the internet and from myself.. who has 17 years experience living with it.

–Aspergers syndrome is relatively unknown in the “mainstream” population and many men with (less severe) AS have learned to adapt their behaviors in public to the extent that
they come across as “normal, nice guys” who are perhaps a little odd or shy.
However, when they are in the privacy of their own homes, other symptoms and
behaviors emerge under stress so there are women out there, who can be married to
someone with AS for years and not even know it. Their behavior is often drowned in Alcoholism.
Shoveled under by Divorce and or Denial.. and even in some mine.. It is made livable by his choice of profession which takes him away from home 90% of the time..

   –Why do Asperger men and Neuro-typical women get married?
AS men are attracted to strong, intelligent, compassionate women who can handle the
social world for them. These same women are attracted to the unconventional nature and
boyish charm of AS men. They feel he will allow them their independence. It is only later
that they learn their AS partner is quite conservative. Instead of supporting her
independence the NT wife realizes that her AS husband is merely disinterested in her
interests. His attention is narrowly focused on his interests.
—WOW, I have been looking for the answer to this question for years.. I LIKE this one as it does not degrade nor belittle me.

So,  as I am Tired from a long long day of solo parenting.. bad weather.. incessant phone calls from my dh, up and coming invasive MS attack symptoms.. I am off to try to sleep before the phantom Creepy Neuro?MS bell wakes me WAY too early.

In the coming days and weeks I plan to add an about me page, some pictures of my horse.. You will LOVE her.. my dogs.. and we can get to know each other.. the good, the bad, the ugly, the horse and the sheep..I may talk about my oldest kid.. he is an adult and is bi-polar hurts me just to hurt me.. I may or probably may not talk about my younger children except in general terms.. not sure yet.. this will be a tough thing as they are not just a part of my life but my whole entire LIFE!!!!         And it may take me a while to get organized in blogging.. I am new at putting my thoughts and .. well my life on “paper” and if you have any suggestions please let me know..

Off I go.. (see how I roll… erratically).. HAY.. I have no anom name for this yet.. I am SO not prepared.. LOL.. I guess I will get that one settled on soon.. so for now I am just butterflycow

This entry was posted in Just your average every day how I cope, Neurotypical World and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Neuro typical Wife and a Spouse with Aspergers.. This Sucks.

  1. Michelle says:

    If your blog does anything, it makes me realize that I need to be more grateful for the “normalcy” of my life, exasperating as it is sometimes. I didn’t realize you have MS, too; oh, how I wish I could do something to help!

  2. Michelle says:

    I hope you are doing something as foolproof as possible to not get pregnant again…. (Is that too invasive to say?)

    • butterflycow says:

      Michelle.. ROFLMBO.. I told the doctor that if she did not “tie my tubes, burn the ends and even send them to different TIME zones.. I would call the vet to do it.. or even do it myself while she had me open for the c-section” I am WAY-SO-TOTALLY DONE HAVIN BABIES.. The last pregnancy almost killed both the baby and I and funny thing was I was just weeks from elective tubal ligation when I found out I was pregnant.. It was odd.. I feel pretty open to answering anything on this blog..

  3. Aunt Em. says:

    WOW Mel. I just don’t know what to say. It is interesting, but sad. I have my problems, but they are very small compared to what you live w/ and have to cope with. My heart goes out to you. My GREATEST help is the Lord. I know you may not go w/ this, but it is for me. Other wise I could not cope.
    I hope I will be able to continue to keep up on your life with your blogging. I am interested in you and your family, and Love you.
    The reason I say hope is cause this is a new thing to me. Never done or read blogs before. Aunt Em is very slow in these things. I try to keep learning. I need to know how to get back to your blogs.
    I have been very little exsposed to bipolar. Art’s ex-wife is bipolar. But most of the time she don’t admit it. I am not around her as much as I use to be. But still can see it sometimes.
    We have a friend w/ MS. So do know a little about it. It isn’t a nice thing. She is a woman with a positive attitude. She is such an ecouragement to all around her. But she is that type of person.
    The only help I know that I can give you is praying for you. Which will do. I am glad you have a hobby that can be of a help to you. It sounds like a lot of fun and so beautifrul.
    Love Aunt Em.

  4. chrischrisg says:

    You are a wonderful writer.

    • blacksheepchoppers says:

      thank you.. I wrote my way through so much pain and suffering and came out the other side as close to whole as I suppose anyone gets.. at this moment life is good and I am happy… I miss writing but do not miss the agony and suffering that woke up the writer in me.. she sleeps well

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