yeah… survival at it’s finest..

cuz ya know.. I am, after all,  only human.

I have done very well in regards to my emotions for several months now.. making progress within myself..

and yeah… I let this weekend and it’s crap just plain get to me.

Between my alcoholic brother’s garbage.. having to talk my parents into NOT rescuing him.. yet again.

and my husbands drinking and shitty behavior.. which did.. I swear transport me back ten years.. at the very least I had a huge flash back..

and I fell apart there for a while.. several times over a few days.

I pulled it back together yesterday.. took me all damn day.. but with the help of a long run and my best friend, my horse.. I managed.

was talking to someone yesterday and they said… living this life would probably kill most people.. and HOW I have managed to live it.. and stay fairly sane all these years.. was beyond them.. THEY admire ME..

and he left this morning.. pretending nothing was wrong.. like he always has..

and I am going to cowgirl up.. soldier on.. and take the day to feel better.

and move on.

Black Sheep

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2 Responses to yeah… survival at it’s finest..

  1. Patricia Allen says:

    I also ADMIRE you and all that you do and put up with. Other women would have given up by now, but you are such a trooper to pick yourself up and move on with your life for you and your kids.
    Hugs,
    Patricia

    • Black Sheep says:

      Patricia,
      I don’t admire me at all..and don’t feel like anyone else should admire me because I put up with all this shit for so long. .What i should have done is walked away long ago. the only reason I do not have huge regrets are my children. If I had left i would not have them.
      I feel so weak and worthless much of the time. .Today is one of those days.

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