and this same sky is above dirt, grass and trees everywhere.
I am not so much sad about my marriage ending.. it has been over for a long time.. I mourned it way back.. not that I am cold about it.. but what I am really truly sad about.. is leaving this farm.
It is the home I have known for 18 years.
I have walked these fields and stands of trees so many times I can and have done it in the dark.. not a grouse or coyote can hide from me here.
I am going to live somewhere that is not mine.. where I cannot even call the dirt on my feet my own.
I KNOW I have no choice in what I am doing.. what I have been living has gone beyond sad.. it is sick and unlivable..
But I am really going to miss
knowing I will never set foot here once I leave is going to be the hardest thing I think I will ever have done in my life to date.
but I have to keep remembering I will find a place to land one day and it will be a good place..
maudlin little black sheep