just dirt

just dirt
just grass
just trees
and this same sky is above dirt, grass and trees everywhere.
I am not so much sad about my marriage ending.. it has been over for a long time.. I mourned it way back.. not that I am cold about it.. but what I am really truly sad about.. is leaving this farm.
It is the home I have known for 18 years.
I have walked these fields and stands of trees so many times I can and have done it in the dark.. not a grouse or coyote can hide from me here.
I am going to live somewhere that is not mine.. where I cannot even call the dirt on my feet my own.

I KNOW I have no choice in what I am doing.. what I have been living has gone beyond sad.. it is sick and unlivable..
But I am really going to miss
my Dirt
my Grass
my Trees
knowing I will never set foot here once I leave is going to be the hardest thing I think I will ever have done in my life to date.
but I have to keep remembering I will find a place to land one day and it will be a good place..
maudlin little black sheep

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2 Responses to just dirt

  1. pondscum1 says:

    Wow. It seems you have finally accepted this reality as yours. Before, you talked of this in general and unspecific terms. Like something far into the future. Now you have direction and are dealing with current and real emotions. Good on you.

  2. Black Sheep says:

    it seems that I have.. in every way.

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