Just want it done

Sick to fucking death of sitting here… Waiting.
Pretending
I just desperately need to be in action and there is nothing I can DO!!!
I just don’t care how many others go through this…. I hate it!
I hate crying when and where the kids can’t hear.
I call my dad sometimes. Cuz he is the only person I can say some things to..
But today it did not help.
My horse is even getting a little tired of my maudlin crap.
But I just wait and wait and pretend and wonder how I did this every day for years on end.
I have never felt so alone.
Why is it so hard to stand on the same damn feet I have stood on for years ??
What makes NOW and THIS different?
Maybe things will look better tomorrow
Maybe not…
Black sheep

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2 Responses to Just want it done

  1. pondscum1 says:

    NOW and THIS is different because you actually made a decision and steps to affect that decision. Before you always had, and took, the easy way back. But it wasn’t easy,

    The next steps are big ones and not fast. If you have a safe place for you and your family (I count critters as family) then take that step ASAP. Until then, its just hurry up and wait.

    So hurry up.

    • Black Sheep says:

      I’m hurrying as fast as I can!!! It is what I need, to get going that refuses to arrive. One way or the other. It will be soon. Cuz it is the waiting that is killing me.
      Got a place
      Getting it ready
      Doing the stuff I can when I can.

      I am better now than when I wrote the
      Post.
      Wild fucking mood swings do not suit me well

      Thank you for the grounding. Sometimes I get so mired in the thinking I cannot move my feet

      Black sheep

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