back and damn forth

Feeling ok

Panic and doubt and panic and doubt and panic and doubt Panic and doubt and panic and doubt and panic and doubt Panic and doubt and panic and doubt and panic and doubt Panic and doubt and panic and doubt and panic and doubt

then I feel ok

then I wonder..

will I find a job?

what if the money I am waiting for does not come?

what if my car breaks.. again?

what if I get sick..

oh.. I aint staying.. I am still leaving..

I just have huge moments of panic and doubt…

Panic and doubt and panic and doubt and panic and doubt Panic and doubt and panic and doubt and panic and doubt Panic and doubt and panic and doubt and panic and doubt Panic and doubt and panic and doubt and panic and doubt Panic and doubt and panic and doubt and panic and doubt Panic and doubt and panic and doubt and panic and doubt Panic and doubt and panic and doubt and panic and doubt Panic and doubt and panic and doubt and panic and doubt

every day.. for just a few minutes  here and there.. but they are HUGE…

Black sheep

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2 Responses to back and damn forth

  1. pondscum1 says:

    Until you can do something, there is nothing you can do. Maybe you and Baby Girl should find a hobby to keep you amused until then. You are excellent at expressing thoughts. Maybe you could write a children’s novel. Baby Girl could add pictures and other artwork. Dad would like that to have and keep, too. You could exercise critters for neighbors. Around here people are always complaining that they have no time to spend with their horses. Fire up the chain saw and cut wood. Scrub the new place floor to celing to make it brand new before you move in. Built a carport for your truck at the new place or chink the cracks in the existing one. Take up jogging. Take up photography. Take up sober country dancing. Take a vacation. Read the Bible.

    I don’t know. Just don’t quit. People that love you can’t stick their heads out yet but they are watching.

  2. Black Sheep says:

    Biggest problem.. I have to keep things “Normal” seeming till the day I go!! cannot take up new hobbies or revive old ones, get a job, be gone more.. seem happier, sadder.. madder.. it is the stationary status that is tough…
    I am managing ok at this moment..
    I am looking forward to going to sleep in my new place and KNOWING I will never have to be afraid to go to sleep again..
    Waking up facing each day FREE of the insanity..
    being “alone” alone..
    Black Sheep

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